NATIONAL CHOMPS!

For those of you who "don't keep track of sports," last night, my beloved Florida Gators took a bite out of UCLA and won their first-ever basketball national championship! To many, last night's game was a real snoozefest. But me and my Gainesville crew were freakin out, dancing, kicking, peeing a lil and enjoying every single dunk-a-licious second of it! Most Outstanding Player Joakim Noah - pretty much the freakiest looking baller to play the game - is now a hero of the Gator Nation and a potential first round draft pick. He rebounded, blocked shots, hit free throws and blew seductive kisses at the UCLA cheerleaders. Basically, sending the Bruins a message: "Not only are we gonna make you look like jackasses, we're gonna eff your cheerleaders tonight too!"

Thanks to everyone who sent me a congratulatory texts and e-mails, I totes take all the credit for the win! When the hell do I get my ring?

Some More ShapBites
The Gators also broke the team record for blocks in a game, with 10. … Nine of the Gators' 14 second-half baskets were dunks. … The Gators' 15-point margin of victory was the largest ever by a lower-seeded team in a championship game... Seventeen-year-old high school senior Jason McElwain, from Greece, N.Y., was courtside at the game, cheering and chomping for Gators. McElwain, a 5-foot-6 manager with autism, became famous almost instantly when he connected on six 3-pointers in the last four minutes of a February game. Only 5 more months till football kicks off...