Free Falling

I have a love/hate relationship with Labor Day.

On the one hand it means, summer is ending - BBQs, outdoor shows and beach weekends will soon start dwindling and before we know it, Dana will be taking out her winter cardigans. On the other hand, fall is a lovely time for apple picking and pumpkin flavored lattes and oh yeah, FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!

Not sure how it snuck up on me, but holy shit, college football season is HERE! And to help kick things off right, Tim Tebow went and got his Men's Fitness on:

HELLO! That ain't photoshop people, this dude means biz. Heisman Repeat! Woot!

So if you need me for the next 12 Saturdays, just follow the cheering and Jaws theme to a great lil, semi-fratty Gator-fied bar with the most unfortunate name: Bounce Deuce. They make a mean omelette and have these obnoxiously gigantic beer "table tappers" that just scream date rape. One time, Sarah tapped it too hard, had a dance off with a USC fan and then vom'ed on the street. Go Gators!

In other Labor Day news, the Champers are getting ready for their Sept 2 Heavenly Bender debut with clever lil teaser clips on YouTube like this:

And this:


They can play instruments ANNNNND act? YES! And don't even get me started on their baseball skills.

Another reason to be pumped its almost September: the new season of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be droppin' on September 18. I have a shameless crush on this show and I'm not afraid to say, I am counting down the days for Season 4. Here's a taste of its tastelessness:


And lastly, speaking of Fall, look at this lil prank Billy fell for the other day:

I don't really get it either but this dude really committed to the serenade. Props Fake Prince, you got em good!

Sooo anyway, whats everybody doin for Labor Day? :)

Trapped on the Left Coast

Do you miss me?

Its day 7 of 9 in Los Angeles for work, it feels like its been months. I'm like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, 'cept with access to overpriced room service ($20 omelette, wha??) and Wilson is this fine dude named Abram at the valet. Hahhht.

Muchas gracias to all my west coast buddies (Norm, this is what the kids call a "shout out") for making it out to my little gallery opening soiree in Silverlake on Friday. I hope you all got your fill of acai berry vodka cocktails and warm beer. Totes success.

A trip down perm lane

I was just greeted by the exciting news that I will be attending the NKOTB show at MSG this fall...and to celebrate, I thought I'd show you some old photos of how my love for them used to look like...notice how hip our matching Keds are.


The last photo is from their Alpine Valley show in 1990 I believe. If that is indeed true, then just to the right of us was the pre-pubescent squealing of one Chrashton Stavros. Our friendship was nothing short of destiny.

The Medal Count from Fire Island

To celebrate the true spirit of the Olympic Games, 12 Seneca hosted its second annual Fire Island Field Day competition on Aug 9. Here are some highlights from our little Birds's Nest...

Opening ceremonies, the lighting of the torch...


Every good competish starts with a team huddle (read: everyone gathering to complain about when we'd start dinner)


Team "CapTan Dan's Short and Curlies, Bitches!" vs Team "We'll Eff You Up Seneca Style" in the dizzy bat finals...


Talking egg spoon strategy, hoping we don't get snubbed by the Australian judge.


Foul play afoot, Mere just can't stick her landing after getting attacked by a water balloon...


There are no winners or losers, we stand together as one...


Just kiddin, scoreboard bitches!!!!!!!


Later that night, the Olympic village was a-rockin. We kicked things off with celebratory feast where Hungarians, Robots, Cherokees, Deer, WASPs and chic people came together to eat, drink and be merry (and sing "Trippin Billies"...)


Euros are so weird (and its true what they say about their bad teeth)


Mere takes the gold for individual table dancing!


Then, with only 20 minutes between competitions, without a warm down, she takes gold again for her 50m piggybacking...(eat that, Phelps!)


See ya in Sept homies, USA!

Dane Cook is Finally Funny

With his critiquing of the poster for his new movie...I finally find Dane Cook remotely funny.

Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best / funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"

7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.

8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.

PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait ... it looks better.

Hey ... I love my new movie. Jeez ... it IS funny what love can make you do.

Lollapalooza 2008

Hi everyone! First off let me apologize for being MIA for the past few weeks - I've had a lot going on! My dreams of moving back to LA were dashed when I got an awesome new job and I've been assimilating back to life in an office. While I miss the days of working from my couch in my pjs I enjoy the direct deposit, human interaction and Carroll Garden digs of the new office. But there was no way I was going to give up the freelance life just like that. Therefore I overbooked myself and decided to work on last music lounge @ Lollapalooza. Am I happy about my decision? I'm still not sure but at least I was entertained and have some pretty sweet stories. Here are some highlights:

1. Watching as Lindsay Lohan ran away from my friend Chip with fear in her eyes because she mistook him for Perez Hilton. Absolutely amazing!

2. I scored pot for Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. I was then presummed to be the resident drug dealer of the Hard Rock Hotel and had to fend off other requests.

3.Danny Masterson invited me to go to All Points West with him and kissed me on the cheek 20 times - perhaps he thinks we are old friends? All I did was make sure he had a Serato box and that his publicist had pizza.

4. Cinnamon Bobcat swept through the Hard Rock Hotel like a phenomenon with the help of Jory, our photographer and Twinkler. For those of you who don't know Cinnamon Bobcat is a karate move where the attacker blinds his/her opponent by blowing cinnamon in their face and then scratching at their eyes like a bobcat.

5. Christian got wasted and was yelling out the window of our cab to a crowd of 20 people about going to Angels and Butt Pirates (actually Angels and Kings) and then proceeded to get into a fight with the singer from Yeasayer that involved sticking their tongues out at each other.

6.Taking shots of tequila with the entire caterting staff in the kitchen of the Hard Rock.

7. Being told by Chromeo that I sounded like Linda Richman from Coffee Talk on SNL.

8. Becoming Girl Talk road kill. People at Lollapalooza are insane. I got pinned against a fence and sorta felt like crying. Then I broke free and danced my face off.

9. Having an ice cream social on the floor of a hotel room with Molly and Christian while Butch Walker played us tunes on his guitar.

10. Losing my voice to the point that not one person could understand me. Not the cab driver from the airport, not my co-workers, not anyone. Now I really wish I had decided to get those yes/no tattoos I talked so much about.

Good times USA. New incarnation of the blog, same desire to make lists of things I enjoy.

Heyo!