Eff the hippies

Here's some notes I took at last year's Jammy awards. The longest night of my life.

THE 4th ANNUAL JAMMY AWARDS
The Theatre at Madison Square Garden, New York City
March 16, 2004

Award for biggest wank-a-thon is a tie between Dickie Betts and Derek Trucks. Who am I kidding? They're both wankers.

Slick Rick performed with the Disco Biscuits which was both horrible and hilarious at the same time.

Solomon Burke had to get wheeled out on a throne because he's so damn fat.

Edie Brickell sang a little bit but looked so bored during the 10 minute guitar solo that you could see her making mental notes for her grocery list for the next day: "What else? Oh yeah, Paul wanted me to pick up some brie. Can't forget the brie."

There was an award for best live show, which I think is sort of redundant. As soon as this was announced the hippies in the audience just started yelling out random dates: "Dude, 2/28/03!"- unfortunately that wasn't one of the nominees.

There was actually a category called the "New Groove Award" which is amazing enough. A band called Psychedelic Breakfast took home the prize beating out such other "winners" as Raisinhill, Hot Butter Rum String Band and Nero. These are really their names, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I was laughing so hard when they announced each name that I yelled out "they aren't even trying anymore!!!" Apparently all you have to do to become a jam band is pick some lame hippie name and add some sort of food to it i.e. Butternut Squash Groove Odyssey- then proceed to wanking. Before you know it, its award time.
I think the awards must have gone on for over 5 hrs. I only made it thru about 2.

Let's see, what's next? Uh, more wanking. Jesus, am I bored. I am standing up only to give the band a proper "thumbs down". Meanwhile the hippies are loving it.

Flavor Flav was supposed to be in the hizzie, but he cancelled at the last minute. I think he realized that what little street cred he has left would be tarnished forever if he went on stage with Widespread Hispanic (an actual band).

Yawn.