Would You Rather

Today is a busy day at work so instead of writing anything- frequent commenter West Coast What was kind enough to send me a would you rather.

To pass the time, ponder this quandary, if you will...
…for the males out there…would you rather…

Make out with David Schwimmer for 10 minutes, full on mouth-to-mouth, under the shirt, maybe even some casual cuppage….
Or
Be stuck in an 8 foot by 8 foot cage with Mike Tyson for 90 seconds. Neither of you has weapons, but if he kills you he gets $5 million dollars.

…for the females out you there…would you rather…

have sex with one of your parent’s friends and the audio portion is recorded and played back to everyone you both know
Or
Sing the A, B, C song into Rosie O’Donnell’s vagina until she says stop

Feel free to answer back or donate your own- I know for a fact Chrashers has some good ones saved up.

Also- Tapes 'n Tapes received a much deserved 8.3 review from Pitchfork today as well as a "Best New Music" feature. I mean... FUCK YEAH! This is so amazing for them- congrats all around! I seriously couldn't love them more...

Um.. About Time

Please DOn't read the updated posts on our arch blog nemesis' site LOLing on the BRB
Christian and Jefferson are both in love with me, so naturally their posts would be all about yours truely.

nice posts guys. keep it up, k? k.

Oh and now i'm obsessed with the Bing Bong Brothers. Check out their hit music video.

and Joey Cheek hasn't written me back yet... whatever.... we are so over.

and Yacht Rock #7 is up!

Top That!

The year was 1993, the fashion was tragic, the bangs were big, and my favorite movie was TEEN WITCH. Over the course of 8th grade I must have watched that movie at least a dozen times and one day my friends and I decided we needed to embrace this cinematic masterpiece by dressing the part. My BFF Stacie (sporting the Debbie Gibson bowler) and I still break into Top That every once in a while when we're feeling nostalgic. Oh and who can forget "I wanna be the most popular girl!" I know I sure can't and I certainly wanted to be a front runner in the popularity contest. That's why I wore those hip polka-dot overalls. I totally got laid that day.

Webmaster Wiscod's note- I can totes break into people's posts and add things to them. Awesome! Just wanted to share this Lonely Island video- focused on the Top That "Dude-atude" http://videos.thelonelyisland.com/tli/ITVBuzzEp02.mp4 . Mere- I know which one boinked you. Do you?

Bitter at a Young Age

I know I still owe everyone some embarrassing pictures of my youth but the scanner and I aren't getting along today. In the interim I thought I would show you one of my art projects from 5th grade.



My parents were so proud.

whatsyerfavoritesongoftheday?:

Dane: Comback Kid/Silversun Pickups
Del: Freakin' You/Jodeci
Mere: The Party's Crashing Us/Of Montreal
Rach: Dimension/Wolfmother

I was young, I needed the money

We have been a bit slack at TPM this week with the posts and it was promised that we would each show some random childhood pics (cough cough Mere). I have tracked down a couple of them via my Mom who was more than happy to share. These two specific pictures came from the time period known as the 80's, I'm sorry that I don't have a more specific date. I'm guessing that I am between the ages of 10 and 13 because my hair is still straight. Right around my Bar-Mitzvah my hair did a complete 180 on me and it got all crazy and Jewfro-y. Damn you puberty!! Anyway a family friend suggested I take a couple of modeling pictures and I must have agreed, so here they are. Note the awesome getups. I think the second picture was taken before Dick Cheney and I were to go out quail hunting.

Scarred for Life

Dorothy Hamill: olympic figure skater, 70s icon, my arch nemesis.
At age 8, I vividly remember a trip to Gainesville, Fla's Oaks Mall with my mom. Me thinkin, alright, we're hittin up Brody's Frozen Yogurt, my mom with something ELSE in mind: Hair Plus (also forever on my shit list). As I sat down and got pumped up to mirror level, some red neck woman with acrylic nails, probably named Desiree, is stroking my shoulder length hair and chatting with my mom about some bitch named Dorothy Hamill. They decide, without taking my vote, that I will look totes adorable with the "Dorothy Do", apparently hugely popular at the time. (According to my boss, the Dorothy Do was the Rachel Green/Friends Cut of the 1970s.)
Desiree went to town on my tresses and there was nothing I could do about it - I was helpless! I was a mere third grader! I wanted a chocolate/vanilla mix with rainbow sprinkles! The next 25 minutes were the most traumatic 25 minutes of my childhood. I mean, I got my shoulder dislocated at age 4, almost drowned at age 10, fell off the beam in front of 200 parents at a gymnastics meet at age 12 and none of that can compare to the scarring this lil mushroom cut caused (whoa, maybe THATS where my hatred for fungi came from!) I mean, how could my own lovely mother do this to me?


And if you think this look was terrifying, wait till you see the pics of it growing out. Ratty Mullet McGee + huge crooked teeth=the most awkward like, 7 years of my life. Dane, I see your hipster do and I raise you a Dorothy Do....Hair cuts!

New Word Alert

Recently, Jamal Tang came up with the terrific new word for the denim taco- Vajeana.

so in the spirit of inventiveness, TPM has come up with a new word- Dudebag. No need for explanation, but let's just say you know who you are and what it means.

Dudebag. Patent Pending.

Why I Love The Cheek

No I 'm not talking about the body part! I'm talking about Joey Cheek!
Ok. So yes, I'm a bit drunk from margharitas at Juanitas. Let me just say that place is the finest institution the LES has ever seen and they are stupid to let it be bought out. Stupid I say- over the past two years, I've grown to love the staff- well actually just Will and that other dude. Plus the bearded bartender... yeah that's right, I saw you smirk that one time I cracked a joke. Nice try, stone face.

Anywho- I just wanted to express my love, and Benny will agree, for the cutest speed skater ever. 4 years ago I would have said Apolo Ohno, but guess what fools....Wisco D has grown up... and bitch love her some Joey Cheek. Or Joey Skeeter as I mistakingly called him. Anywho- here are some facts about my future husband.

- Claims he was 'a huge geek' in junior and senior high school, tells blogger Andrew Love that "I would probably have been chosen in school as least likely to participate in a sporting event."
- Listed in the "Cheek Family Chronicles," a 700-year history of famous Cheeks of America, England and Australia
- In his spare time, Cheek enjoys playing the guitar, producing movies with fellow skaters, Kip and Cory Carpenter, and online investing.
After skating is over, he would like to attend law school and begin a successful law practice in his native North Carolina.
- Some of his favorites: favorite book is "Enders Game" by Orson Scott Card; favorite band is The Dave Matthews Band; favorite food is blueberry pancakes; favorite move is self-produced "Spider Fang."
- Builds potato guns, including one that can shoot a potato 275 yards.
- Future wife, TPM's own Wiscod

ok so minus the DMB reference...we're pretty much meant to be. MMMMM potatos.

UPDATE: Ummm, so yeah.... remembs how i said i was drunk? well i went to his website, got his email... and perhapers emailed him. SHittttttttttttttttt!

6 yrs old and punk as fuck

This morning- I checked my work email and my aunt liz (curling champ of duluth, mn... or at least she is in my mind) emailed this photo of me from 1st grade. Thus kicking off our week of TPM posting our favorite childhood photos.

True story- my sweet mom was a beauty queen and my pops was a hardcore b-ball player- and somehow along the way they created something completely different. At this point in my life I was a full on Bon Jovi fan. For people who know me, I go through phases with bands I obsess over. From the age of 6 to about 11, Jon Bongiovi Jr. was the man of my dreams. His poster, complete with sky-high hair, make-up and a forest for a chest, hung gloriously behind my bed. I kissed my Bon Bon goodnight before bed everynight without fail.

Needless to say I wasn't the little princess my mom had hoped for, so when she left my sister and I at the Erik of Norway Hair Salon alone for the first time, she quickly realized what a huge mistake she had made.

Being that it was the height of the 80s- we decided we both wanted the Asymmetrical cut- long on one side, shaved on the other. But mine came with a tail... gotta show my Wisconsin roots! And so here is my mom's attempt at making me as girly as possible for my 1st grade photo, complete with a pink outfit that was topped off by the ugliest bow ever created.


Who would've thought that roughly 20 years later- I would have fit right in at last night's Motherfucker party or been ranked on by Gawker's Blue States Lose for hitting up Misshapes. Take that hipsters- I was the first of your kind.

This guy is nuts

Ramie passed me onto this crazy link from Smoking Gun about a man who was tryin to get his wife to sign a personalized marriage contract and all the rules he was trying to get his wife to adhere to i.e. shaving, clothing and sexy time. You have to just read it to believe it. He does seem to have one interesting idea: he offers "Good Behavior Days" or GBDs to his wife when she is especially good. Rach wondered why these people are always from Iowa. Can someone please explain this country to me?

Have a sweet weekend.

whatsyerfavoritesongoftheday?:

Dane: "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"- Rupert Holmes
Del: "Wash"- Pearl Jam
Mere: "Bump 'N Grind"- Ginuwine
Rach: "Everything Hits At Once"- Spoon

Meanwhile I get to see King of France, Nada Surf, Rogue Wave, Pilot Drift, Supergrass and maybe Voxtrot all this weekend. Don't you wish your boyfriend was swass like me?

Also, just wanted to give out a little love to Blue States Lose- a hilarious weekly feature on Gawker every Friday that makes fun of people who think they are being fashionable, but are clearly just idiots.

West Coast What has advised us to type brrreeeport - and our hits will skyrocket!

Re- living A Robert Frost Poem

With the weather heating up for who knows what reason- I just wanted to share these pics with you to re-live the best snowy weekend we've had in awhile.

Hungover and tired, us gals head into Thompkins Square Park-

enjoying the fresh batch of powder snow and pristine white landscape

oh! who's this- it's chrashers! looks like he could use a friend!

The gang in happier times

before i got pegged by a snowball thrown by a six year old

and promptly tackled by mere- once again the little one took down the big one, but as you can see i put up a hearty fight... and lost miserably

and while i was down a 3 year old humped my leg

mere decides to call it a day. in the background you can see the tears of the little kids after we kicked their asses.

Phone Etiquette 101

Hello all my lovelies. I need your advice on something that has been bugging me for the past month or so. I share an office and my co-worker talks to her boyfriend between 10-25 times a day (this is NOT an exaggeration). She doesn't like his name so she only refers to him as "baby" (ick) and I am literally on my last nerve. I sigh loudly, I listen to woxy as loud as I can ALL day,and I storm out of my office during at least one of his calls everyday but nothing seems to phase her. Is love really that blind? WTF?!?!?!?!?!

Please help me before I end up in jail for assault.

Losing my mind in a windowless office on the 44th floor.

WOXY NEEDS YOUR HELP!

Please support our favorite internet radio station- woxy.com- by either subscribing monthly to listen to their killer tunage or just plain donating money to them. If they don't get yer money, they can't stay up and running. And if they aren't up and running- wiscod is forced to listen to shitty music... and we can't have that, can we?

also- if they get your money- then they'll stop begging for it on air when they should be playing Tapes 'n Tapes.

And who's coming with me to the Knitting Factory on March 2nd for the NYC Regional US Air Guitar Championships? check it out!

NBA people and their Hollywood look-alikes

Can you match the athlete/coach with his Hollywood counterpart?

Del Harris

Jim Carrey

E.T. and Sam Cassell
This one is easy.


Mike Bibby

Leslie Nielsen

Rick Carlisle

Verne Troyer aka Mini Me

Fave VD Mems

Today I'd like everyone to share their fave Valentine's Day memories. Or as Sarah and Chrashers have both said - Venereal Disease's Day- I like that much better, yes I do.

Mine was in 1994 when my boyfriend sent me a pig's heart in the mail. It was the sweetest thing anyone ever gave me... oh wait, that happened to Neil from Real World 4: London. Shit.

Grade A Bulls@*#

Dear Elissa,

Please stop inviting me to your silly little events under false pretenses. When I hear the words "champagne reception" I do not expect to sit through a weird fashion show at a tea salon while you take your sweet ass time getting there and arrive with only 4 looks to go! This is the second Monday night in a row that you've led me astray and I will no longer stand for it. If you ruin President's Day for me I will be forced to stab you in the eye with a long stem red rose.

Happy Valentine's day sucka!

-Meredith

Totes Met Some Hot Dudes At Fontana's

Us gals at TPM (well actually only mere and me) are always up for meeting new stallions when we are out on the town. Check out these new studs we hung out with Saturday at Fontana's:

Here's our friend Andrew (center) with Dan and Richard

And this old dude Nick with Maurey...

and Frida Kahlo showed up- that was totes weird. Culture!

If the guy who I aimed my flying ninja kick at is reading this - I just want to say....

YOU MESS WITH THE BULL, YOU GET THE HORNS

I Formed a Snow Gang

I hope that everyone enjoyed their snowy weekend and ambushed at least one unsuspecting by-stander with a massive snowball. I know I sure did. I don't know if it was the weather or work stress or what but my homies and I decided to let it all hang out this weekend. My left eye has officially been twitching for 48 hours and I am still laughing at the antics of Dana Dane from Saturday night.

On Friday night I was pretty much left to my own devices as I ignored calls from Dana and Rachel (I swear I texted D back but I erased my outbox at some point so we'll never know for sure) because I was drunk by 9 pm. Open bar + seeing random dude from college = chugging wine. Headed over to Sala 19 around 9:30 for dinner with some friends but I was only concentrating on drinking so by the end of dinner I was sitting at the table listening to my Ipod (I can't get enough of Gnarls Barkley!). Around midnight Sara, Patrick and I cruised to my apartment for a drink and apparently I made them listen to my yacht rock mix on repeat for a solid hour. Sometimes when I get drunk all I care about is my own little multi-media world of ipods, computers and music and I ignore the people I'm with - so not my best quality and I've offended many with this act. Against my better judgement we decide to go to Orchard Bar where I am already notorious for my drunken behavior and often find myself hiding from the bar staff that knows me so well. Sara and Patrick try to get me dancing but all I want to do is sit in the corner and smoke cigs which I do and get in trouble with security multiple times. I am such a rebel. Around 3 we make an abrupt exit as Sara has poured an entire drink on some dude that has offended her in some way. I didn't see it happen, however, because I was involved in a lip-lock with a gay man. True story.

Woke up Saturday morning confused and embarrassed and spent most of the day on the verge of a hangover induced anxiety attack. I pulled my act together sometime around 6 and prepared myself for the night ahead. Met up with Dana, Rach, Niki and Sylvia at the Mercury Lounge to see our boys Apollo Sunshine tear shit up. They rocked it old-skool style as a 3 piece band since Sean has moved to Cali to pursue other things. Their rendition of Phyliss had me box stepping like a champ in the back right corner. After their set it was off to Fontanas for Christian and Lucy's going away bash. Jay was killing it on the turntables and there were familiar faces everywhere. Fontana's has a "no dancing" policy that was extremely hard to follow and eventually it just became a mute point as dance off challenges were made and accepted every 30 seconds. The lord of the dance prize has to go to Casper for ripping off his shirt and breakdancing while his girlfriend looked on in horror. Dana also gets an honorable mention for her graceful flying ninja move off the stairs. I am still laughing about it. In general, Dana was the highlight of my evening as she polished off 8 vodka tonics, an irish car bomb and 2 shots. She really was on fire and tried to party to the very end, eventually succumbing to fatigue and laying down on the floor in the corner of the bar. That's just how she rolls. Jay, Niki, Shannon and I walked her outside around 4 and I've been told she made it home ok after some pizza.

Sunday I awoke with a smile on my face as there is nothing I like more than a nice blizzard. I walked the 25 blocks down to Clinton and Rivington for brunch with Dana, Rach and Sylvia and arrived winded and feeling mildly ill. After some food and coffee I was feeling all charged up and ready to make the most of the snow. After leaving the restaurant it took only 2 minutes for me to push Dana into a pile of snowy goodness. For 2 blocks either Rach, Dana or I were laying in a pile of snow or being impaled by countless snowballs. We took our party over to tompkins square park where we were joined by Christian who brutally tripped us and threw us down multiple times. Rach is now nursing a sprained ankle! We then picked up a group of little kids who followed us around for about half an hour attacking us. The day ended in a hail of snowballs from a roof on the corner of 7th and A and 2 girls throwing ice at Christian. These girls were probably about 12 and when he told them to stop throwing ice one replied "You're throwing ice too mother fucker!". That was the end of that friendship. Oh and I almost forgot, I totally culkined myself! In order to avoid a snowball I backed up and fell over a snow bank landing on my ass on Ave A. As I tried to lift myself up between fits of laughter Niki and Elissa magically appeared with a weird russian fellow and threw snow in my face. Way to hit me when I'm down ladies.

Uh Yeah

Don't forget:
Tomorrow 2/11
Fontana's
Bye Bye Christian and Lucy
9:30p

Dude, 'you tube' rules!

Just happened to stumble across this tonight. So many memories.

Also, if you haven't seen this yet its worth checking. I'm pretty sure my brother has a huge crush on this girl and she can't be more than 15.

For The Love Of God

first:
just watch this and love it.

second:

(caption on yahoo)Mad Max- Is he back from the Thunderdome?

third:
TPM favorites Christian and Lucy are vacating NYC, so make sure to come to their giant, booze-filled send off this Saturday at Fontana's. If you're lucky Chrashers will show you what he cropped from the invite's photo below, and believe me ladies, it's worth seeing. Chrashers and Lucy- you'll be missed!! Fire Island 2005 4Eva!!

Lucy is moving to Georgia to tend to her new Farm.
I am heading to London to Study the art of the English accent and to further my career in graphic Design (see above).
So come hang out while you can, mates.
DJ Jay Good Times (Loose Record) will be spinning us right round….baby….right round. And no cabaret law can keep us from getting wild (see above again)….so don’t be wankers (ya’ll) and come hang.

Details:
This Saturday Feb 11
Fontana’s
105 Eldridge b/t Grand and Broome
9:30pm
K?
A wise prophet Beaver once said
“Fontana’s is the new Fat Baby is the new Darkroom”.

Ain't It the Truth!

Del sent this to us, Mike sent it to Del, and the world's instantly a better place...

WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and youneed to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game beforehelping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should beon your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement oftenmisunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over"Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man."That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you'rewelcome.
WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!
* note that the use of "whatevs" is not as harsh- it's more of a shoulder shrug, but still be wary of it.

Sharon Stone doesn't even have to say those words, just watch and you'll understand.

Nacho Libre

This looks funny as hell: Check the preview for the new Jack Black movie here

By the way, who is getting pumped for SXSW? I am! Hells yeah. It goes down in just little over a month so rest up, kiddies, cos its gonna be a rough one. Is it worth it to stand in line all night in the hopes of catching Morrissey or is that just a bad idea altogether? Is it possible to see Art Brut 5 times in 4 days? With so many awesome day parties going down and so much good free food and drink to be consumed this festival is not to be missed. Who are you most excited to see?

Also, big ups to Coachella for adding Massive Attack, Daft Punk, Ted Leo and Eagles of Death Metal to the festivities. Keep it up and we might just have a sweet little weekend on our hands.

Steven Segal has an energy drink?

I hope he doesn't get mad at me for posting this, but Austin John sent an email to me this morning and it was too good to not share with you:

I drank one of these for the superbowl-
I don't think you're supposed to mix it with vodka. I woke up without my shirt and shoes in a Ramada Inn parking lot. I guess that's every Monday morning for Steven Segal. Except he has a pony tail. The worst part is I found a ticket stub for Big Momma's House 2 in my pocket. 2. As in the sequel. If I didn't even see the first one, how the hell was I supposed to follow the plot in the second? At any rate, I'm staying away from the high energy beverages for a while. And the ecstasy. Aaaaaand hopefully the Martin Lawrence films, although I'm not making any promises. Good luck.

hilarious. I can't focus today, but I was able to make the most killer workout 2006 mix on my itunes today... i mean for reals people- me + workoutmix'06= abs o steel.

Pizza, Pizza

Last night Elissa invited me to go to a press dinner with her at a new gourmet pizza spot on Allen. Of course I said yes as I rarely pass up free food. We were seated with 2 other very nice freeloaders from Time Out NY and Nation's Restaurant News. The meal started out nicely enough with some red wine and antipasto. We sat and chatted for a long while wondering when the rest of the meal was going to arrive. At this point our attention was called to the kitchen and the owner gave us a little explanation of his vision for the restaurant and went over some items on the menu. It was interesting enough but what followed was far beyond anything I ever needed to know about pizza. Basically, we witnessed a 30 minute presentation on how to knead dough to perfection, preserve air bubbles, and not burn the bottom of the pizza. I honestly felt like I was on a field trip in elementary school. Finally they stopped torturing everyone and let us eat. The pizza was OK but it was not revolutionary like they were trying to make it seem. They kept saying "We make pizza the exact opposite of the way most NYC pizza is made". Why would someone brag about that? I was almost tempted to run out to Rosario's in the middle of the demonstration. Anyway, let's just say I most likely won't be going back there and am considering becoming a vegetarian again due to some interesting dinner conversations. Thanks Elissa!

SUPER BOWL CHAMPS!

XL SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS:

MIKE HOLMGREN AND THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS!

OOOOHHH.... SORRRY.... WRONG TEAM... WRONG SUPERBOWL

Weekend Prizzle

Rach and Del are bringing their sweet sweet love to Austin tonight- so that leaves mere and me to take on NY ourselves. And where else would we go but to an Edward 40 Hands party in Greenpoint? Do I know the guys pictured in the photo above? no. Is there a chance I passed out on the front steps of their frat a "few" years back? yes. We are keeping the tradition strong by consuming a beverage that should have been retired long before we left the land of roofies.

and did anyone see this big guy in the NY Post today? Mere told me she would pay to see me walking it down the street. So I says "pay? saddle up! i'm going for a ride"


have a good weekend peeps!

despite our disappointment with the much anticipated episode #6- TPM's love remains (or at least I think it does, well mine does...)

yeah, my jacket is missing again....

Anyone seen it?? I lost it last Friday, then found it, then lost it again. Any tips on its whereabouts would be greatly appreciated. And feel free to call me names and make fun of me - I totes deserve it.

Gizzogle

So I was myspaced this link today- it's called Gizoogle.com and this is what our blog would look like if it were ghettofied.

soooooo cool.
I'm going to see Love as Laughter tonight... jealous?