It's only rock and roll

Last night I decided to get rid of some Dallas boredom and check out the Rolling Stones concert. The American Airlines Center is just a ten minute walk from my place so I hoofed it even though it is starting to get a bit chilly here. After 10 minutes or so I scalped an upper level ticket for $40 and proceeded inside. Merle Haggard had cancelled for some reason so I got to see Delbert McClinton instead (do you think I was named after this guy?) Now I would say that I have amassed a pretty extensive collection of concert setlists over the years and thought that a Rolling Stones one would be a pretty good addition, so when 'ol Delbert finished up (thank Christ) I thought I would try to ask the soundboard guy if I might be able to have one. I ended up walking right down to the floor and security didn't say anything to me so I kept going closer. I ended up meeting a really nice couple in their late 40s- Bernadette and Tony who told me that they were both very "relaxed" due to smoking a lot of weed before the show. Awwwww, I love old people. Anyway, I told them that my seats were up in the nose bleeds and that if I could stay close that I would appreciate it. They seemed cool. Tony even bought me a beer. He said "here you go, a Budweiser. It will make you wiser." Did I mention that I love stoned Dad humor? Unfortunately, as is often the case, someone actually wanted to sit in their $1500 seat so I had to leave the nice couple. Back to the drawing board, I was not ready to give up and sit in my shit seats so I try again. In a few minutes I meet another older blonde (wasted) Dallas lady (shocker!) that flirtingly tells me that I can sit with her and her husband. She tells me very loudly, "its the Rolling Stones!!!! I'm SO EXCITED that you made it down here!" She then proceeds to have me sit in her seat and she then sits IN MY LAP with her husband (named Duff) right next to me. The lights go down and the show starts and everyone stands up. I'm dancing around a little bit and then Duff turns to me and says pretty menacingly "Hey Adam, don't you think you've worn out your welcome here?" Hmmm, ok Duff I am picking up on that subtle hint of yours so I find another seat. The whole thing was pretty great. Jesus, its only the fucking Rolling Stones right? The show started off a little bit sloppy but the boys found their groove by the time they covered Ray Charles and then hit the B-stage to play "Miss You" and "Get Off My Cloud" and then do all the songs that I'm pretty sure they have to play. As soon as"Satisfaction" ends the roof of the building seemed to explode with tons of streamers coming down covering the entire arena. In this confusion I made it to the very front row hoping to get my prized set list. Even with all the people on stage it looks like there are only like 3 or 4 setlists up there in total. I see one of the background singers grab one and fold it up and then she tosses it into the crowd. It is at this point that I basically make a diving catch backwards and as soon as I do so I trip over this kid in a wheelchair. Whoops. I mean I couldn't see him with all the streamers and shit and well, I really just couldn't see him. Needless to say his family didn't seem too happy with me. Turns out there's nothing worse than angry wheelchair parents. Their scorn is now burnt into me permanently. Sorry kid, my bad. 30 seconds later I get a text message from my friend that read "nice grab"- he saw the whole thing go down on the big screen TV. I am such an idiot.



Please note on the setlist that they put Keith's initials on the songs that he is supposed to sing because let's face it, he could easily forget. Also please note the autograph of touring keyboardist Chuck Leavell. It was already autographed when I caught the setlist.

I told Noah about the show and about all the songs they did. Told him about how it still wasn't as good as the Madison Square Garden show, but that they did play "Shattered". His reply: "like the legs of the dude you fell over." Ouch. Very ouch. The remainder of the night was spent with my new friend Trevor (see pic below) drinking whisky. Just look at that 'stache!!!!!!! We had met once before in Austin and I spotted him as I was walking out. He is in a band called Lions. They have a page on myspace. This pic was taken during the ACL after party. So to clear up any confusion, no Rachel was not in town last night, but I really wished that she was. Trevor was with his friend PJ who was on some mushrooms and apparently the show changed his life.

Deck the Balls

In honor of Jay's first attempt at naming this party- we let it live on in the title to this post. See you all on Friday!

(except for Del who will be attending via satellite from Dallas-

you better keep your hands where we can see 'em!!!)

My cousin, the pimp

My cousin Ryan flanked by the Hilton sisters. Yowza!!!
Meanwhile... here's my fantasy date. Me and Gene Ween and a bottle of whiskey

...think about it.

Thanksgiving Delays

Since Rach is "stuck" in Gainsville for one more day, the photo contest is being delayed until tomorrow. I know all of you were holding your breath in anticipation of our Ansel Adams-like portraits, so in the meantime, here's the newest addition to my extended family:

Meet Lily Stepke... she may or may not have just taken a doodie in her pants.
Yep, I think she did...

It seems like just yesterday I was able to crap in my pants...

OR WAS IT (happy, jamal?)!

Top Songs of 2005

These are my Top 30 Favorite Songs for this year:

30. Fistful of Love- Antony and the Johnsons
29. I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor- Arctic Monkeys
28. Spit It Out- Brendan Benson
27. I Want It All- dios (malos)
26. Tribulations- LCD Soundsystem
25. Maybe You Can Owe Me- Architechture in Helsinki
24. One Thing- Amerie
23. 16 Military Wives- The Decemberists
22. Company Dance- Sam Champion
21. Bees- Caribou
20. Baby C'Mon- Stephen Malkmus
19. Do You Want To- Franz Ferdinand
18. Hell Yes- Beck
17. Heartbeat- Annie
16. The Girl's Atractive- Diamond Nights
15. Don't Run Our Hearts Around- Black Mountain
14. Mushaboom- Feist
13. The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
12. These Are the Fables- New Pornographers
11. The Comeback- Shout Out Louds
10. My Doorbell- The White Stripes
9. Wordless Chorus- My Morning Jacket
8. I Predict A Riot- Kaiser Chiefs
7. Daft Punk Is Playing At My House- LCD Soundsystem
6. Chicago- Sufjan Stevens
5. I Turn My Camera On- Spoon
4. I'll Believe in Anything *- Wolf Parade
3. Dare- Gorillaz
2. Banquet- Bloc Party
1. Galang- M.I.A.

*Dana Erickson's # infinity song of the year

Honorable mentions:
Today is the Day- Apollo Sunshine
Helicopter- Bloc Party
I Ain't Sayin My Goodbyes- Tom Vek
Come On Feel the Illinois- Sufjan Stevens
I Summon You- Spoon
Na Na Na Na Naa- Kaiser Chiefs
Anytime- My Morning Jacket
Someday- Ween
Forever Lost- The Magic Numbers
This Year- Mountain Goats
Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Extraordinary Machine- Fiona Apple
You Are A Runner and I Am My Father's Son- Wolf Parade
Set Us Free- Black Mountain
Sunshowers- M.I.A.
Mr. November- The National
Use It- The New Pornographers
George Bush Don't Like Black People- The Legendary K.O.
Landlocked Blues- Bright Eyes
Clinically Dead- Chad VanGaalen

Thanks for Giving... ME THE RUNS!

( I meant to put up a photo of a turkey,

but instead I accidentally put a photo of George Whipple up- enjoy!)

Hear Ye Hear Ye. Announcing the First Annual T-Giving Photo Contest

The Challenge: capture your town's typical Thanksgiving scene.
The Challengers: Dana from Wisconsin, Rachel from Gainsville Flordia, Del from Dallas, and Meredith from Agora Hills, CA.

If your feel like you can reach my expectations on what a.) a good photo is and b.) is funny, then by all means send me your tgives photo.

Good Luck and God Speed my little Gobble Gobbles!

p.s. I was going to go on and on about how great Sam Champion were last night at the Merc, but I won't because a.) Noah just called me a lesbian.. not that there's anything wrong with that, and b.) four words WHERE WAS CHEADLE BUG?

p.p.s. Thanks to Del for turning me onto Tapes 'n Tapes. They are sooooo good I puked in my mouth a lil.

Who will direct?

Meredithhellman: sup del
adammandel200: sup
Meredithhellman: awesome post
adammandel200: handies from myrtle
Meredithhellman: i just added a comment
Meredithhellman: ew, sick - her voice is terrifying
adammandel200: her voice skeevs me out
adammandel200: the next movie is all about her raping Hogwarts kids
Meredithhellman: totally - rachel is excited for the kids to start having sex
adammandel200: exactly
adammandel200: Harry Potter-Hogwarts Gone Wild. Double vagina, double anal
Meredithhellman: omg, you just ruined harry potter for me
adammandel200: ha
adammandel200: ha i could totally make the preview. Hermione: "things will never be the same will they Harry?"
adammandel200: voiceover: (theyve been thru a lot in their 4 yrs but nothing could prepare them for a fifth year at Hogwarts. This time things get Hairy!!!!!")
adammandel200: it would break records
Meredithhellman: omg, brilliant - there are def porns that play on the harry potter movies
adammandel200: i'm sure
adammandel200: and I will rent them

To the people of NYC who like good music tonight is a no-brainer. Sam Champion at the Mercury Lounge at 9 p.m. and while yours truly will NOT be accompanying them on the cowbell, I will be there in spirit.
Speaking of 'in spirit' did anyone notice in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire that it seemed like Moaning Myrtle was trying to give Harry a handie when he was in the water? Was I the only person who found this very uncomfortable/hot?

I Blame You Jim

Last night's Green Bay loss to the Vikings didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, because I firmly believe that Jim McMahon's heinous jacket was to blame. The man was inexplicably standing on the sidelines during the showdown, so if anyone has a photo of it, because believe you me- I have been searching in vain, please send it along. Words can not do justice to the roadkill-meets-rodeo jacket he was sporting. It was thoroughly distracting to the Packers, and especially my man B. Favre. Every time he went to throw, his vision was either a.) blinded by the tassels swinging off McMahon's leather jacket or b.) tricked into thinking there were two dead foxes propped on his massive shoulders. Meanwhile, the wide receivers were too busy running for their lives thinking it was 1987 and Don "The Majik Man" Majkowski was their quaterback again. (after further research... it was pointed out to me that the man standing next to McMahon was no other than The Majik Man himself- whoooops!)

And so my friends, blame not Brett Favre's susceptibility to interceptions and our lack of defense by men who look like Tracy Chapman (sorry Al Harris, u know i luf u), blame the one who led da Bears to victory and the Super Bowl Shuffle's inability to dress himself.

Flashback: Office cubicles around the nation circa 2002

If you were wondering why Brian danced for Peter to make him laugh in last night's hilarious (as usual) episode of Family Guy. You'll understand why here.

Enjoy!!!

Zang!

For some reason I seem to keep getting into conversations about "Wayne's World" over the last few weeks. I knew I had to put it at the top of my Netflizzys queue and I watched it yesterday. That movie is still funny as hell.

Wayne Campbell: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.
Alice Cooper: I think its interesting that Milwaukee is the only city to have elected three socialist mayors.
Wayne Campbell: Does this guy know how to party or what??!

Outlaw Sparks, for the love of God just do it!

Can someone please banish Sparks off the face of the Earth pretty please? Judging by Friday night's party- consumption of this beverage causes one to:
a. Dance like they are Kate Moss on cocaine at Orchard Bar until 4a.
b. tell Dana to shut up and that it can't always be about her (thanks jay!)
c. dry heave throughout dinner 24 hours later over her Memphis Dry Rub (me!)
d. barf before 10p- holler Noah!

wait come to think of it- it was totesprobsmaybs the best night of my life. I owe ya Sparks!

Weekend Injury Report

This is my first ever post - holla!

I may not be in the NFL but my weekend injuries are far worse than Brooks Bollinger's silly little concussion. That dude can't play anyway - he tortured me as a Wisconsin Badger and now he's crushing the hopes of Jet's fans everywhere.

Here is my current status:

1. Broken toe
2. Strained muscle in my back
3. Countless bruises

What can I say - I'm accident prone and I dance like a spazz when intoxicated.
Peace out,
Megadeth Hellman

Eff the hippies

Here's some notes I took at last year's Jammy awards. The longest night of my life.

THE 4th ANNUAL JAMMY AWARDS
The Theatre at Madison Square Garden, New York City
March 16, 2004

Award for biggest wank-a-thon is a tie between Dickie Betts and Derek Trucks. Who am I kidding? They're both wankers.

Slick Rick performed with the Disco Biscuits which was both horrible and hilarious at the same time.

Solomon Burke had to get wheeled out on a throne because he's so damn fat.

Edie Brickell sang a little bit but looked so bored during the 10 minute guitar solo that you could see her making mental notes for her grocery list for the next day: "What else? Oh yeah, Paul wanted me to pick up some brie. Can't forget the brie."

There was an award for best live show, which I think is sort of redundant. As soon as this was announced the hippies in the audience just started yelling out random dates: "Dude, 2/28/03!"- unfortunately that wasn't one of the nominees.

There was actually a category called the "New Groove Award" which is amazing enough. A band called Psychedelic Breakfast took home the prize beating out such other "winners" as Raisinhill, Hot Butter Rum String Band and Nero. These are really their names, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I was laughing so hard when they announced each name that I yelled out "they aren't even trying anymore!!!" Apparently all you have to do to become a jam band is pick some lame hippie name and add some sort of food to it i.e. Butternut Squash Groove Odyssey- then proceed to wanking. Before you know it, its award time.
I think the awards must have gone on for over 5 hrs. I only made it thru about 2.

Let's see, what's next? Uh, more wanking. Jesus, am I bored. I am standing up only to give the band a proper "thumbs down". Meanwhile the hippies are loving it.

Flavor Flav was supposed to be in the hizzie, but he cancelled at the last minute. I think he realized that what little street cred he has left would be tarnished forever if he went on stage with Widespread Hispanic (an actual band).

Yawn.

Weekend Preview and Assorted Cheese Spreads

Hi Everyone! Happy Friday!

I got a new ipod today and was able to watch a new episode of CSI last night so my spirits are running high. Before we dig into our weekend plans, I just want to thank CBS for making me cry not once, but twice, last night. First CSI and then the riveting Without a Trace. Kudos my friends, kudos. Greg from CSI (pictured above) is my current obsession. He's from Milwaukee- I plan to stalk and make him mine this T-Gives, so if you have any leads on his whereabouts... lemme know!

Rachel, however, was not brought to tears by Channel 2 on Time Warner Cable, because she was partaking in not one, but two, bday parties last night.
Her summation?
scott melker's hip-hop party at plan b: $3 cocktails till midnight and all the "aint nothin but a g thang" you can handle. Spot#2 was fat baby, its cool inside but it was kinda empty. That's all.

Now for the weekend preview:
Tonight party party, drunk drunk. (tho Dana likes to veg out on the csi marathong)
Gators are playing MSG- Rach shows her Florida pride!

saturday- I'm gonna hawk my wares at a music industry panel. Do I know what I'm talking about? Probs not.
Kickball game after.
Rach gets to see Harry Potter- what the deuce!

Sunday- my goal is to see Harry Potter.
Rach's goal- make out with Ron Weasly. Don't be jel.

Updateroooooni

1. The tampons have been boxed up and are currently being shipped to Italy. Christian has dubbed it PROJECT BUILD UP: Stopping the flow all over the world.

2. This explains it all . Jaime and I decided that a once a week coke binge should leave us looking smooth, sleek and with perky tits a la Moss. Diet starts tomorrow. Taco Bell tonight.

3. I had a waitress who had large jugs... and on the receipt her name was Becky Boobs. Wow. Just call me Dana Melons.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Morning!

Noah Champion says his farts smell like an egg and cheese sandwich right now. And he didn't even eat one. Oh the cruel irony! wait, is that the proper way to use the word irony? please discuss. welcome back noah and the rest of Sam Champion! I'm sure your tiny little tour van had plenty of egg and cheese smells as well as a smattering of others (cough...jack...cough).

CHRISTIAN, IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!

Christian Stavros must have thought he won the lotto when a gigantic box came to his attention at work today, but to his shock and dismay, all he got was 2,000 Playtex Tampons

flashback: brown castle august 05, Ocean Beach, Fire Island, New York, USA, North America, Earth

What man can resist Meredith's signature drop it like its hot move? On this particular trip to the ground, Meredith showed a lil more than she bargained for...

It was a little more than what the virgin eyes of Jeff and Christian can handle. They believed Mer was giving birth to a piece of string- get the gurney out! Flash forward to today's gift from Meredith. Luckily Christian had a use for the 2,000 tampons. He used them to create his Milli Vanilli wig seen below. Crafty!

"Ba Ba Ba Baby, Don't Forget To Pull My Tampon String"

Comments from Christian on the post:
christian: question
me: yes
christian: at what point on halloween did i become one armed milli?
christian: please refer to pic on your blog
me: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha. i think i just peed myself
christian: for reals- where the fuck is my arm?
I'm like-so stoked it's gone for some reason- look at my face
me: i just had to run to the bathroom because i peed
christian: dude, i believe it
christian: send me a pic of you armless and totes psyched
christian: ill probs pee too

And on another note. Can we talk about how good Art Brut's song Modern Art is? MODERN ART MAKES ME WANT TO ROCK OUT. I'm gonna start chanting that as I walk down the street tonight. You think someone will ask me out?

And then on another another note. Can we talk about how good Arctic Monkeys are.... on cd?Live they were great, but I wore tights to a show again so all I could think about the steam room that was my crotch. Oh and then also the old man who turned out to be a legend in the music biz who scaled the wall. Totes Awes.

Last night the Icy Hots United were beat by Balls to the Walls at City College in Harlem. The defeat hurt us, but did not destroy our spirit. Judge us not by our loss, but by our lack of talent.

Rachel suits up. The game is gonna be a cinch. No one put Icy Hots in the corner.
Come on everyone get pumped! Why aren't you pumped? oh that's right, it's 9p and we are in Harlem...
Rachel gives our goalie Stu Magoo a pep talk.
She said "With these shoes, you will be invincible"

Stu Magoo takes that inspiration and tells Dana "get thy buns to the goal. it's time for a corner kick"Dana blocks the corner kick and defeats the evil Balls to the Walls. (In reality- she completely misses the ball and it goes into the goal....)
Thank God Nick Lachey is on our team!
Mere ponders the crushing loss. Don't worry Mere, Icy Hots will not be defeated!

This is a photo of my stepbrother when he was young. No, he's not Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber.

My morning discussion with Mr. Good Times:

me: my new years dreams are slowly dying. what are you thinking the haps is gonna be
jay: me you and a bottle of bubbly, maybe a hot tub
jay: oh wait, this is dana
jay: not builder

Look where Rachel's hand is in this picture. That's right, it's touching boobs, but that's not why Dana is smiling. Are you with me? Where is Rachel's OTHER hand? HOLLA!!!!!!! Last night I caught dios (malos) at the Cavern Club and it was quite a solid show although not very well attended. Big surprise. If you haven't picked up their new album yet you are an idiot because its fantastic. "I Want It All" has been in my head all day long, its one of the catchiest tunes to come around in ages. I promise that as soon as I figure out how to post mp3's that I will do so and then I'm sure I will get into trouble. Anyway, this band loves the sweet sweet ganja. In the lyrics to every song of theirs it was apparent that the guys in dios (malos) do love to get high and they don't care who knows about it. Sample lyric: "I get high, so do I." Uh, ok dude.

In other news, my Mom is my new best friend. Don't fuck with her.

Weekend Re-CAPPUCCINO

Eat: Bar 6 (or shall we call it Bar Bitch)
Hey Bar 6, biscuits are great, lose the tude and maybe we'll be back...this time, remember the butter

Shops: I heart Suzette Sundae, who knew Avenue B could be so much fun before 3am?

Shows: Art Brut, ready? We formed a blog. Look at us! We formed a blog!

Movies: Sarah Silverman, Jesus would have been Magic if it had been on DVD. In the theatres, more like my uncle's card trick. Tho we did like it when she made her butt sing. hilarious.
Word from Dallas is that Del says Derailed sucked, ShopGirl was fab and Capote was pretty darn good

Dog Park: Justin Theroux's hottness and Mondo pissing on Rach's jacket

Drinks: Anotheroom gets an A+ for their wine tasting. 12 bones will get you three glasses of wine to get you sufficiently plastered prior to a Knitting Factory or Tribeca Grand show. 'Tis but only two blocks east from the Grand, but a million miles away from expensiveville. Plus they have like 9,465 indie rock songs on their ipod. Can someone please give me back my $10 for the crappy glass o wine i had at the crappy sushi restaurant earlier in the night. helllll0????

TEAMS: Gators lose, Badgers lose, Packers WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Miscs: saw a wee man fall in the park. to some it was funny. i'm not not including myself.

A Lil Weekend-Recap preview....

Before we do the weekend wrap-up for you- a little thread to make your day.

Jeff in SF (forwarded by Xtian to me): my desk is so full of shit right now.....AHAAHHAHAHAHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
dude, i want to hang out with you, dana, and rachel. wanna go to fire island this weekend?

Me: Awww so sweet. Much sweeter than that other jeff I know. Yes, you know who I'm talking about... Jeff Foxworthy.

Xtian: Don’t know him. Sounds like a dbag
Me:


Xtian:

Oh- that jeff foxworthy....
Totes dbag.

Bloggers exposed. The king of all things blogerific blesses us from behind. I hope he uses those things wisely!

Bloggers extraordinare Fidel Nice-Asstro, Sodomy Hussein, and their best friend Manuel Whoreaga

Rachel: i have a wp song stuck in my head too
Rachel: the one where they go, la, la la llaaaa
Dana: dear sons and daughters
Rachel: you just won yourself a brand new microwave!
Dana: haha
Dana: i tots am listening to a rare version of dinner bells right now
Dana: so soothing
Rachel: ha
Rachel: sooo soothing
Dana: brings me back
Dana: to the best week of my concert-going life
Rachel: haooowwww

hello! i'm not really sure what I'm doing! Is this thing on?