Eye of the Shark

As Dana's best friend, I am often called upon by her (or force myself upon her) for pep talks, moral support and taking down people who wrong her. Thats right, folks, I'm keeping a list and I have a pair of nunchucks - nobody messes with WiscoD! On this particular day, a few months back, I build Dane's confidence and totes motivate her to carry on through a perfectly cliched after-school special...read on!

Shaps: i think i should be your trainer
Shaps: and get you all pumped up
Shaps: we should film it
Shaps: and send it to channel 101
Shaps: like lifetime television
Shaps: or the WE channel
WiscoD: hahahaha
WiscoD: perfect
WiscoD: you'll be like the trainer in rocky

WiscoD: and we'll climb a bunch of stairs
Shaps: right, or maybe, i will be hurling one of those medicine balls at you and everytime I throw it i'm like, “you're stupid”
Shaps: and then you hurl it back hard at me
Shaps: and i'm like, now THATS what i'm talkin about!
WiscoD: haha
Shaps: but i have one eye closed and i'm kinda talking out of the side of my mouth
Shaps: oh and i'm an old man
WiscoD: haha
Shaps: and then in the climax of a movie
Shaps: you go to a big gala
Shaps: and you're all dressed up
Shaps: looking like a princess
Shaps: and i'm like, darling, you're the bell of the ball tonight
Shaps: and the antagonist walks up and "accidentally" spills red wine ALLL over your white dress
Shaps: oh, that i made you with my own bare hands
Shaps: and at first you're just like, omg, and kinda wander away to go cry about it
Shaps: but then a bubble with my head in it pops up
WiscoD: "fight it"
Shaps: and i'm like, "you're not spineless, you're an inspiration"
Shaps: and its like fight or flight
Shaps: and you choose fight!
WiscoD: end credits
Shaps: you wish!!!!
Shaps: then you come back
Shaps: and you're like, ya know what, tiffany
Shaps: (cause all bitches are tiffanys)

WiscoD: obvs
Shaps: ya know what tiffany, you're a bitch and everyone here knows it!
Shaps: and then you say something about seeing her in chinatown buying fake prada bagsShaps: or something that would really pull the rug out from under a whore named tiffany
Shaps: and her bf runs up to you and is like, are you ok?
Shaps: and tiffany is like, um, braa-aad?
Shaps: (cause all hot guys are named brad or jake)
Shaps: and hes like, sorry tiffany, you've gone too far this time and well, dana, will you let me have this dance?
Shaps: and you're like, but...my dress...its ruined
Shaps: and he goes, hold on
Shaps: and runs out and brings you a new dress
Shaps: cause it turns out his mom is like, best friends with vera wang
Shaps: you change into it
Shaps: next scene, you're now wearing a tiara
Shaps: and you look hot
Shaps: your hair color has never been better
Shaps: and your bombs are practically glowing
Shaps: and everyone watches you come down some staircase, huge grin, slow mo
Shaps: and tiffany storming off
Shaps: and me winking in a cloud overhead
Shaps: and you saying, i never thought i could be so brave
Shaps: brad, lets party!
Shaps: roll credits