TPM Summer Essentials

It's 11:30 on Wednesday night which means I'm sitting at my apartment watching Will and Grace and eating Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Cruch Ice Cream. Usually this doesn't inspire me to think about anything, except maybe that I'm kind of a loser, but tonight it got me thinking about how much I love ice cream which in turn got me thinking about how much I love summer. Thus, the TPM guide to summer essentials was born. These are the things you must do over the next couple of months to ensure you have the best summer ever!

1. Eat as much ice cream as possible - specifically mint chip from Mary's Dairy. It is divine. (Rachel recommends Cones on Bleeker)

2. Take the water taxi to Grimaldis, frolic in DUMBO park, and then stroll back to Manhattan over the Brooklyn Bridge with the wind in your hair.

3. Drink lots of water (read: beer and margaritas)

4. Go to as many BBQs as possible.

5. Go to the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria and head over to Water Taxi Beach in Long Island city just in time for sunset.

6. Go to at least one hot and sweaty music festival - I'm working at Lollapalooza this year so come out and visit me!

7. Get comfortable flip-flops.

8. Hit up some free outdoor shows.

9. Hang out on Jack's roof and have sing-alongs.

10.Dance your ass off at "Fun"-tanas every Thursday, starting July 13th, to the musical stylings of DJ Del.

Here is a preview of what you might see at Fontanas:





Cheers to an awesome summer!

Get 'em to 'palooza

Vote here for Ra Ra Riot to be added to this years Lollapalooza this summer. If you can't make it then you can check em out at the Knitting Factory on July 8th. They're on early (7 p.m.) so don't miss it.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Brewtown USA

So since Thursday afternoon, I've been chilling in my hometown of Milwaukee, WI for Jamal Tang and HerbyD's wedding. I had a blast- no need to divulge all the details, but I must say it was the best wedding on Earth!!!!!!!!
Anywho, on my flight home yesterday, I started to compile a list of the Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Milwaukee (from this weekend). And here they are:

10. My dogs. They are so frickin old!!!!!! choppy is 17 and yogi is 14. Both wear diapers, but they are still the cutest...even when yogi is dining on his own poo.
9. My family. Only saw them for a few, but it's always a pleasure. Especially that pops o'mine. He's the gentle giant.

8. My girlfriends. As I introduced them at Jamal's wedding, they are my harem of bitches.
7. My guyfriends. Nothing beats seeing one of them getting handcuffed to a stripper pole and getting ridden like a Harley. Nothing beats that except for the bleach I poured into my eyes after witnessing it. See #6.
6. Art's Performing Center. Milwaukee's finest strip club (see #7) is like your drug-addled step-brother who you only see on special occasions... like a bachelor party. Named by Maxim Magazine as Milwaukee's Worst, "No, it’s not a queer modern-dance theater—it’s a dismal topless strip club. One patron summed it up best: 'The girls here look like they’ve been hit in the face by a bag of nickels.'"
5. The food. Yes, most of the weekend was spent eating wedding food, but on Sunday night we went to eat THE BEST PIZZA IN THE WHOLE WORLD. No really, I've eaten pizza everywhere except maybe in Russia, and nothing beats De Marinis! Be warned: do not go to Mama De Marinis down the street... or else you shall feel the wrath of my grandpa.
4. Polish Fest. Held on the waterfront, I had set my sights on attending this event at some point in the weekend. Until yesterday I had thought I was a quarter Polish, and then my dad decided to reveal in the car that I'm German instead. Finally, there's an explanation for my love of beer and brats. German Fest (and Italian) here I come!
3. The lakefront. Seriously, Lake Michigan is a gem. It has all the benefits of growing up on the coasts, but without that stinging salt water. Of course, there is that pesky algae bloom problem that makes my city smell like one giant dookie...
2. The beer. Milwaukee has the best beer period. Lakefront, Sprecher, Leinies... take yer pick, but don't choose the Beast or you might as well be...this guy.
1. This time around, with all the East Coasters visiting for the wedding, I got to make fun of their accent. Welcome to my turf bitches! Ya-hey der!

Average Homeboy!

I'll see your hot, sweaty tatted up Band of Horses lead singer and raise you one mulleted, middle class white rapper! He wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he cuts grass, works hard and he eats Fruit Loops...hes just an AVERAGE HOMEBOY.

We're totes thinking about signing him to the TPM label, ya know, help get him his big break. Check out his video, but please remember, its just a demo. Get blazed for this people! BLAZED!

More Hottie McStudmuffin

No one else is posting. So I'm gonna put up another photo of Ben from Band of Horses. Take that slackers!

SMOKIN'HOTTTTTTTTT

I hearby dub thee

Hottie McStudmuffin

I'm sure there are a lot of blogs writing up about Friday's Band of Horses show at Bowery.
I'm only going to steal this photo from Brooklyn Vegan and tell you that I loved it from start (the boys entering to a rap song) to finish (Hottie McStudmuffin by himself on stage).

These are my boys from Seattle, so any negative talk about them will not be tolerated. I wish more bands could be as enthusiastic to play as they were. I wish I could see them ten more times this week alone (one private session at my pad ;)

Eye of the Shark

As Dana's best friend, I am often called upon by her (or force myself upon her) for pep talks, moral support and taking down people who wrong her. Thats right, folks, I'm keeping a list and I have a pair of nunchucks - nobody messes with WiscoD! On this particular day, a few months back, I build Dane's confidence and totes motivate her to carry on through a perfectly cliched after-school special...read on!

Shaps: i think i should be your trainer
Shaps: and get you all pumped up
Shaps: we should film it
Shaps: and send it to channel 101
Shaps: like lifetime television
Shaps: or the WE channel
WiscoD: hahahaha
WiscoD: perfect
WiscoD: you'll be like the trainer in rocky

WiscoD: and we'll climb a bunch of stairs
Shaps: right, or maybe, i will be hurling one of those medicine balls at you and everytime I throw it i'm like, “you're stupid”
Shaps: and then you hurl it back hard at me
Shaps: and i'm like, now THATS what i'm talkin about!
WiscoD: haha
Shaps: but i have one eye closed and i'm kinda talking out of the side of my mouth
Shaps: oh and i'm an old man
WiscoD: haha
Shaps: and then in the climax of a movie
Shaps: you go to a big gala
Shaps: and you're all dressed up
Shaps: looking like a princess
Shaps: and i'm like, darling, you're the bell of the ball tonight
Shaps: and the antagonist walks up and "accidentally" spills red wine ALLL over your white dress
Shaps: oh, that i made you with my own bare hands
Shaps: and at first you're just like, omg, and kinda wander away to go cry about it
Shaps: but then a bubble with my head in it pops up
WiscoD: "fight it"
Shaps: and i'm like, "you're not spineless, you're an inspiration"
Shaps: and its like fight or flight
Shaps: and you choose fight!
WiscoD: end credits
Shaps: you wish!!!!
Shaps: then you come back
Shaps: and you're like, ya know what, tiffany
Shaps: (cause all bitches are tiffanys)

WiscoD: obvs
Shaps: ya know what tiffany, you're a bitch and everyone here knows it!
Shaps: and then you say something about seeing her in chinatown buying fake prada bagsShaps: or something that would really pull the rug out from under a whore named tiffany
Shaps: and her bf runs up to you and is like, are you ok?
Shaps: and tiffany is like, um, braa-aad?
Shaps: (cause all hot guys are named brad or jake)
Shaps: and hes like, sorry tiffany, you've gone too far this time and well, dana, will you let me have this dance?
Shaps: and you're like, but...my dress...its ruined
Shaps: and he goes, hold on
Shaps: and runs out and brings you a new dress
Shaps: cause it turns out his mom is like, best friends with vera wang
Shaps: you change into it
Shaps: next scene, you're now wearing a tiara
Shaps: and you look hot
Shaps: your hair color has never been better
Shaps: and your bombs are practically glowing
Shaps: and everyone watches you come down some staircase, huge grin, slow mo
Shaps: and tiffany storming off
Shaps: and me winking in a cloud overhead
Shaps: and you saying, i never thought i could be so brave
Shaps: brad, lets party!
Shaps: roll credits

Save Screech's Wisco Abode

I had no idea.
Screech Power's lives merely miles away from where I grew up.
and now he's about to lose his Port Washington, WI home.
Please help Mike D's bro (I know totes urbs leg) keep his house. He provided this young gal hours and hours of entertainment every saturday morning in middle school. He needs to be repaid.

my sister sent me the link to the article in the milwaukee journal-sentinel today.
The bell may not save him this time 'Screech Powers' could lose his home

Read the article. Buy a shirt. Save Screech!

No neccesito

Walking around the streets of the West Village the other day I started to notice a few things in window shops that seemed completely unnecesary to me. I took some photos and decided to post them. Totes Probs Maybs has decided to have a photo contest and we're calling it Totes Photes. Send in your pics of anything absurd, things that really have no business being around whatsoever to totesprobsmaybs@hotmail.com

KFC's new Cardiac Arrest Bowl. This has chicken/potato/cheese/some sort of gravy concoction and God knows what else in it. Totes unnecessary unless you are Nicole Richie, tryin to gain weight for your estranged fiance DJ AM.


For some reason this lady bought a lovingly sketched portrait of Michael Bolton. WTF? Totes unneccesary!


(From webmaster D...TPM has taken out the previous photo due to Del's allergy to pedophiles trolling the net looking for child pornography (we're talking to you Nice Melons!)

Also, I forgot to post this pic that I took of the Raconteurs in-store at Tower Records a few weeks ago. By the way, it was very sweet. It had been awhile since I had seen Jacky White perform and I got to tell you that its almost scary sometimes.


If you were lucky enough to attend last nights Radiohead show you would know how truly special it is to be in the same room with these guys. I can't wait for Round Two tonight (we luvs ya Beach).

Two Things That Made Wiscod Tinkle In Her Pants Today

The first tinkle came with this link to a recent live studio session with Sunset Rubdown on Daytrotter.com. Ravioli? Holy Canolli! I instantly re-lived the goosebump-inducing ending to Shut Up I Am Dreaming Where Lovers Have Wings - and now can do it over and over and over and over.

Second tinkle was these photos of two of my favorite bands Tapes 'n Tapes and Cold War Kids duking it out with a game of good old fashioned b-ball and football for the Inagural Post-Blog Rock Super Bowl. Our good friend Gorilla vs. Bear coordinated the action and took the shots. Ladies and some of you gentlemen, get ready to drool over these athletic studs.

Let's add a third tinkle. My friend Kate was here this past week, and is permanently moving here in August to live with me. We had the most glorious of glorious days on Sunday- walking to Grimaldi's, eating some 'za, bridge wandering, and shit punching (care of doug). Here's the crew- minus Doug-e-Fresh, who was taking the photo...

and here's a cute picture of Mya that Kate took.

Fractions Are My Only Friends

Jack Daniel is not my friend.
Kettle One is not my friend.
Patron is not my friend.
Corona is not my friend.

Basically, I'm hungover as shit. I wanted so badly to cancel my 1 pm dentist appointment but I figured it would be best to get it out of the way. I was straight up with the dentist and admitted that the "chilled out" look he complimented me on was really just a massive hangover. He then told me how to cure a hangover, told me where to meet the hottest guys and asked me if I've ever blacked out before. I don't even think he is a real dentist but I love him anyways. After this experience I decided to go to the Burger Joint and drown my troubles in a delcious burger. I still feel horrible. Please help.

Brats, Brats, Bands, Brats, Beer, Brats = Heaven

I love Loose Record and all that is associated with it. So that is why, instead of getting blotto and heading out to LI to see some horses race 'n shit, I'm going to fast for approx the next two days so I can shove as much bbq down my throat as possible. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll eat til my heart's content for now and then throw back my body weight in meat on Saturday. Take that, diet!

But at least I'll be able to enjoy the kickin tunes of Love as Laughter to ease my overeatin' pain. What can those horses do for you? fart in your face? sick bastards.

Definitely not Poops McGee

June has been sweet so far. I've been back in the New York groove and loving every minute of it. It's been pretty non-stop which is how I like to do things here so I'm a bit cashed out right now. My friend Holmes took me to Pearl Jam at the Continental Airlines Arena the other night and it was fantastic. I was singing along to almost every word. "Glorified G" anyone? I'm hardcore, fool. Eddie V and crew sounded awesome and he easily polished off two bottles of red wine before trying to make some sweet rock star jumping moves that did not end so smoothly (read: he went down like a ton of bricks) and it looked like he might be sore the next day. Who cares the show was awesome.


This weekend revolved around my friend Greg Katz's 30th birthday. It was great. Steak dinners. Late nights with lots of hooch. Tons of old friends getting lit up. Pop burgers. Oh, and did I mention that the Mavericks are in the frickin' FINALS? In-cred-ible. One cool thing about Dallas I guess. When they showed old photos of Mark Aguirre, Ro Blackman, Sam Perkins and Roy Tarpley at the end of the game this here blogger got the chills. Everything is coming up Mavs, get ready to celebrate with me.

Take that you Phoenix sons of bitches!


Sunday was one big trek to DUMBO for a block party which was fun filled with lots of cute kids. We got to hang with Mya (awesomest dog ever).

Here she is wanting some of Dana's bagel stick:


King of France playing for a newly married couple down in DUMBO


If you want a haircut on St. Marks St. could I suggest the #25? I hear its coming back.


Here is our favorite Cougar practising her young boy seduction technique. Don't be afraid to use your nails, girl.

Shap's Shout Outs

Yawn, stretch, what a weekend, huh? The rain tried to hold us down but we fought back like drunken soldiers. I was told by the UHB (Unemployed Hot Bitches) that if I didn't start pulling my weight in posts around here, I was "out of TPM" so I decided today I would send some love out to those who helped make this weekend positively delightful (regardless of the hangover). Photos to come from those other jerks...

Greg Katz!
A close friend of the Mandel tribe and all around awesome dude, Greggy celebrated his 30th b-day this weekend with tons of pomp! Pals from across the country, including Ad's bro Cary and gf Jordana, trekked to NYC to fete the man of the hour and get totally wasted, open bar style. Rumor is, one of our own gave him his fave present! Also, mad props to the waiter at Essex who took pretty good care of our brunch party of 19!!



The Youth Center on 10th Street
After a tipsy brunch, we stumbled upon a swingin band of 9 years olds with guitars and saxophones - as big as them - covering danceable faves from James Brown and Wilson Pickett. It totes made my day and then made me bitter about dropping out of piano lessons in 2nd grade.



Fontana's
Dear Fontana's, you never cease to amaze us. Love, TPM

Cute Hipster Kids at DUMBO Block Party
Any tike who can rock a Led Zepplin tee and get down to the sweet sounds of King of France (you're a badass Matt!) is just lookin to be kidnapped by me. Keep the fire burning bright you adorable bunch of rugrats.

Mya
Could you be any cuter? I love this dog, even when she farts on me.



Sarah "Bushwick" Bartlett
Her "Q" skills are unrivaled, her hospitality neverending. Thanks for the delicious rooftop feast. I'm still bloated. Congrats on the amazing new apt, 4 stops on the F, 13 stops on the G and 6 stops on the L train was totes worth it for that lil slice of paradise! And the sliders, bratwursts, BBQ chicken, shish kabobs, gigantic salmon filet, Paco...

Tapes N' Tapes
Member these guys? How could you forget? They're back with a vengeance and have a new awesome bassist in tow. Sounded freakin awesome last night, lookin forward to an encore at Bowery with Cold War Kids and Daylen's boys The Figurines on Tuesday. Can't manage a ticket for the sold out show? Thats weak but whatevs, you'll have another chance at this July's Siren Festival in Coney Island.

Merida
As our #1 reader, lets face it, you deserve lots more shout outs. Big gracias for takin care of our weary crew last night. Xo

And to Dana, Mere and Adam, you lil shits better reinstate me!

Ghostland Ouchetory

Jay Loose told me I should work with this Austin band called Ghostland Observatory, so i've been listening to their song Sad Sad City on repeat. On constant repeat that is. This shit is so hot that I just started dancing by myself in Jamal's apt and decided to throw in a handstand (back in the day I was a pretty darn amazing gymnast...jamal don't say a word). Bad move. Bad move indeed. I heard a pop in my already arthritic wrist and now it's a tad swollen. Looks like "Cysty" the ganglion cyst has decided to rear her ugly head in retaliation for my kickin dance moves.

anyways- listen to Ghostland Observatory here and here and decide if my pain was worth it. My bet says yay.

and happy belated blog posted bday wishes to our faithful reader Merida!