Coachella line-up = bush league bullshit

Whoa and WTF? Right now I feel like we the people have been hosed. This years Coachella lineup seems way below average to me and a lot of other angry/disappointed concert-goers right now. Apparently another couple of big bands are still in the works, but c'mon Golden Voice is this all you have for us right now? It seems as if whoever did the booking was just extremely lazy or got an extremely late start this year. I will not accept that this festival has jumped the shark already. Its just normally I look at the list each year and get very fired up and I really can't say that about most of these bands this year. Now, don't get me wrong, its not horrible by any stretch, but its just not very exciting. Tool as a headliner is just insulting. Where are all the new bands that will be at SXSW? Don't the Arctic Monkeys seem like a logical choice to be playing ? Do I really need to see Bloc Party again right now? The only really acts that I'm really interested in seem to be My Morning Jacket, Gnarls Barkley, Wolf Parade, Dangerdoom and maybe Seu Jorge. Couldn't they have booked the Silver Jews? Or Supergrass? The Raconteurs, anyone? That would have made some sense. I feel like I could go on and on right now, but I'll stop. I'm sure the weekend will still be amazing, I'm just not sure how much time I'll be spending at the Polo Fields.

WOLF PARADE TICKETS JUST WENT ON SALE FOR APRIL 9TH AND 10TH AT WEBSTER HALL. I JUST POOPED MY PANTS!

Thank You, New York!!!

It was with these words that Rachel Shapiro exited the stage after making her fantastic Mercury Lounge debut with hometown and TPM favorite, Sam Champion. Although now suffering from what can only be called "tambourine arm" she did indeed rock the house as evidenced by some of these pictures. Everyone in attendance would agree that it was worth the injury. Overall, it was a fantastic birthday night: multiple barfings, deviled eggs, smacked heads and keeping it not so smooth.

Popping Pills at the Table is Fair Game for a Post - Deal with it!

Remember that post I wrote about a certain C-List celeb with far too many problems to even list???? Well yesterday I deleted it due to some backlash I received about it. At first I felt really bad that I had offended someone but as the day wore on I realized I was merely following in the footsteps of gawker, defamer, pink is the new blog, US Weekly, etc. Celebrities are fair game, no matter who they are, and if anyone has a problem with that then they don't have to read this blog. Or we can throw down on the corner of first and first. Holla!

I Bet You Looked Good On The Dance Floor

While Shaps and Del will have a full re-counting of her birthday weekend- including amazing shots of my girl on-stage with Sam Champion beating the tamborine like it was nobody's bidness and my girl Jamal puking her brains out and falling so hard she bruised the opposite side of her head- I just want to say one thing....

THANK GOD FOR DR. DIAMOND DAVE!

This young doctor from Park Slope via Austin via Houston turned what could have been a lackluster saturday evening into one of the most rockingest weekend nights in a long time. While standing outside the mercury lounge waiting to get into The Big Sleep/Field Music show, Dr. Dave boldly did the mc hammer for mere and me and seemingly didn't stop until we left him and his friend- who I like to call Quietly Witty John- at No Malice Palace around 4a.

So Dr. Diamond Dave.... call us... we need some more grinding action. I don't have a pic of him, but this one of Crashers will suffice.. you get the idea.

Oh and has anyone seen this 80s movie "Just One of the Guys"? watched it yesterday- worst acting ever + breast baring = totes awes flick.

Yet Another TPM Birthday!

Even though Koko's dead as shit....
Don't forget to wish my favorite gal a happy birthday today!

Looks like the afterparty tonight (1/27) will be at Fontana's (Eldridge btwn Broome and Grand)- around 12:30a- whoa, yeah, late night!

BREAKING NEWS

This just came through the news desk:

Work It Out Productions will acquire controlling interest in the troubled media outlet Bring It Down Productions sources say. WIOP executives could not be reached for comment, but it's been reported that former BIDP president Kathy Reilly will become part of the new organization.

A representative for BIDP said on speakerphone "It's not our money" and "I don't understand" before slamming the phone down with a very loud "OOOOOOOOKKKKKAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY"

TPM PARTY... well sort of

We are still debating as to where the festivites will end up after the show. Any ideas are welcome. One thing we do know- 3a dance-off at Orchard Bar.

Quick'ins.

Just a quick note:
I'll never look at The Mercury Lounge the same way again after Friday's Editors show. Let's just say the amount of fist-pumping and over the head clapping that ensued should keep my batwings in shape for months to come. Best show i've ever seen there. period.

And Kev wants me to let you know that there are 2 new songs available to download for Foreign Born here: http://myspace.com/foreignborn.

This Just In...

...from Chrashton:
we are scientists make me want to leave work go chug sparks out of a beer bong and dance out the roof of a hummerzine

And in relation to Del's post below- I'd like to send a shoutout to Neil who so efficiently got us a swinging pad for the big fest in the west. Just imagine our buff tan bodies lying next to the pool in April. And by that I mean flabby and pale.

Loggins and Messina show how "California Vagina Sailors 2006: Indio" is to be done:

Oh those crazy 'chella rumors

I love this time of year where everyone speculates which bands will perform at the Coachella festival in Indio, CA. I really don't care either way because they always end up having a stellar lineup, so I don't even sweat it. I know that every year towards the end of April or the beginning of May that I will be enjoying myself in California. Anyway, while everyone is guessing, I had a friend tell me a few bands that he heard will be playing (again these are just rumors):

Saturday:
Yo-Yo Ma
The Neil Diamond/Rick Rubin Prog-Orchestra
Ringo Starr's All-Star Band

Sunday:
Prince
Lyle Lovett
Bonnie Raitt

BIG UPS TO MY SIS

I'd just like to send out a warm BDAY wish to my older sister. May she enjoy the iTunes gift certy that I purchased for her, so that her Knotting Hill Soundtrack can finally be bumped from constant rotation. Cheers to being a wonderful sister with (hopefully) a newfound taste in good music (sneeze..celine dion..cough).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BREA-TCH!!!

(she's the tasty lil number on the left, I'm on the right with the stylish bob,

and we have no idea who those other two are... jk,my cousins)

If you could have anything you wanted for your birthday...

What would it be? Someone posed this question to me the other day and I've still been trying to think of a good answer. Kittens? Porn? A jet? Whirled peas? Feel free to post in the comments section and remember the sky's the limit. It could be anything that crosses your mind. Anyway, thanks to everyone who sent me kind birthday wishes and presents and cupcakes, they were all fantastic.

whatsyerfavoritesongoftheday?

Dana: "Wicked Light Sleeper"- The Joggers
Mere: "Hard to Beat"- Hard-Fi
Rach: "Islands in the Sun"- Weezer
Del: "Islands in the Stream"- Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

Is Jersey in da house?

Holy crap, look at these mooks. This picture should be the new poster for birth control. Beware of these Jabronis they might be coming to your city via bridge or tunnel.



For more hilarity, please check this.

Happy Birthday Del!

Please join TPM and American Idol's Constantine Maroulis in wishing our main man Del a very happy birthday. We ran into the American Idol heartthrob at Lolita on Friday night and I must say it was quite exciting. For the big day I hear that Constantine will sing a few sultry numbers while Shaps and WiscoD tear each other's clothes off - wait, what? Yeah, you heard me - looks like my friends are having an affair behind my back. Last night we watched the Golden Globes together and the two of them could not keep their hands off each other and I think I saw Shaps shed a tear of joy when Felicity Huffman won an award for her portrayal of a tranny in Transamerica. Have a good day and enjoy that visual!

TPM Birthday Alert!

On January 17th- many many moons ago- a young Del was brought into this world. Legend has it that the little bundle of joy was singing the words to "Love Me Do" and already had an infinite knowledge of all things that rock. Flash forward to 2006-and you've got a seriously good friend and the best boyfriend to my girlfriend anyone could ever ask for. Stay tuned for Meredith's post to Del.

Anywho- the highlight of this weekend for me was doing an endless running man at Orchard Bar with ski goggles on, a trip to Chilis in Jersey City and Upright Citizens Brigade featuring Amy Poehler and her smoking hot husband Will Arnett (aka Gob from Arrested Development). According to IMDB, here are his facts:
Good pal of screenwriter/playwright Dave McLaughlin.
One of Will's first screen roles was in McLaughlin's Southie (1998).
Married to "Saturday Night Live" (1975)'s Amy Poehler.
Speaks fluent French. (HOLLLLERRRR)
Attended French-speaking schools in Toronto.
Does voice-over work for GMC trucks and Lamasil tablets.
Height 6' 2½" (1.89 m)

Here's some pics from Chilis-

the crew- 13 strong, 13 drunk
My contribution to this drawing is the two stick figure gals in the middle- i.e. Rach and me- holding hands with our huge hooters. Rachel is the one on the right with the gimp leg that I later turned into parachute pants.
And what would a chilis excursion be if it didn't end up with a game of "Toss The Quesadilla Into Oveis's Pocket"? You are witnessing the bounce the "dilla took after Beach's wayyyy off the mark shot.

Totes 'N Totes

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, have I been blogging way too much about a buzz band? Has our adoring, dedicated audience "had it up to HERE" with our over-the-top praise for Minnesotan quartet Tapes 'n Tapes? Are we boring you with our constant adoration? Well, I sure the shit hope not cause now its my turn to gush!!
Last night, I over-the-head clapped so hard at the ProductShop NYC show to both Sam Champion's and TnT's sets, I tuckered myself out and was forced to head straight home after some low impact indie rock aerobics at the Bowery for We Are Scientists. While they totes forgot to give TPM a promised shout out, those hairy/tight panted SC boys melted my face off. The Tapes team jammed out so hard they hurt each other, yesss! Big props to my herterosexual life partner Dana who slow danced with me to "Omaha" and lovingly lent me one ear plug so I am only deaf in one ear today. Dane, for that selfless act, I will lend you one and only one organ. As long as its not a cornea.
Hate to be verbose but seeing as the last time I posted was all the way back in 05, I feel the need to have a little "me time" with our devoted TPM readers. A few current "always the last to know" obsessions:

*Yacht Rock: The (completely untrue) stories behind the creation of the totally smooth music popularized by the likes of my faves Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald. Adam turned me onto it and now its following has become cult-like at my office. If you like boat shoes (Chrashton!) and fightin words like "California Vagina Sailors" (Chrashton!), then you will love this brilliant online series! Watch em now.


*Chuck Norris Top Thirty Facts: Pretty much the best forward ever, with my #1 being "As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history." Oh, and this "Walker Texas Ranger" clip from Conan is equally priceless!

*Futurama on AdultSwim: I never watched it while it was on but I've been giggling a lot at Fry, Leela, Bender and the gang late night. Heard theres a rumor its coming back on ala Family Guy. Hellz yes!

*The Cheesecake Factory: Jay and his crew have Chili's, my vote for TPM's official chain of choice goes to Cheesecake. As I so delicately explained to Mr. Good Times, its not about the dessert, its about the amazing 25 page menu (with ads!) chock full of obnoxiously gigantic appetizers and entrees. Yep, I love me a trough of salad and a platter of pasta. Who's comin with me?

Oh and btw, my song of the day: Private Eyes by Hall & Oates!!

I'm Not Posting, K?

It's Rach's turn to post today and boy will it be funny- i've been given a sneak preview.
In the meantime, I don't want my stellar photos from last night's Productshop NYCshow to go to waste. And when I say stellar, I mean the crappiest live photos ever taken. EVER. PS- to all of you who have seen me on the Productshop page, I promise you I'm not the giant that it portrays me to seem. Though most of you would argue otherwise.

Do I Look Like A Thief?

There is currently a poll going around my office about who is most likely to shop lift and I have the most votes. As far as I know I've never stolen anything from these people or talked about stealing things in front of them. I gotta work on my rep.




On another note, did anyone watch Larry King last night with author James Frey? Apparently their is some controversy swirling around his Oprah Book Club approved memoir "A Million Little Pieces". The Smoking Gun has published an account which says Frey fabricated some of the facts in the book making it more of a fictional account than a memoir. I have read this book as well as his follow-up "My Friend Leonard" and still believe that the basic message of both books is apparent and inspirational. For anyone who has not read either book I highly suggest you do. Afterall, Oprah is an advocate and she is pretty much the most powerful force in the universe. They actually ran over into 360 with Anderson Cooper last night just so Oprah could finish what she had to say. They alter programming for the President and Oprah.

My Left Foot

Sometimes it's like Del's sole purpose in life is to make me happy.

And Wolf Parade's sole purpose is to rock out like the quirky bastards they are. Who knew they had a video for Shine A Light? I didn't!

Cute For Cute's Sake

Ain't it the truth? Kids- wear your rubbers!

It's Our Obligation 2 U

I'm not going to review last night's Tapes 'n Tapes show at the Mercury Lounge because:
a) everyone else already has,
b) it wasn't my fav and I refuse to write bad things about them, and
c) my ears hurt so bad- it's like someone took a giant q-tip and crammed it into my ears as hard as possible. I'm a superfan, but good lord, I'm standing in the back from now on. Hell I'm tall enough to see over 90% of the crowd.

Our good friend Productshop NYC is throwing a party on Thursday. Remembs the first Mario Bros. ? I'm instantly reminded of the good ol days of Nintendo thumb, eating tombstone pizzas and listening to Bon Jovi. Also known as last weekend.

Caribbean Queen

Happy Belated New Year everyone! This is the best mood I have ever been in on a Monday. I just got back from 5 glorious days in the Cayman Islands and my tan and thoughts of rum punch are allowing me to float through the day as if I was still in an island paradise. I give it about 2 more days until I start complaining and return to my jaded ways. But until then I will smile at people in the halls, make an effort to talk to my co-workers and enjoy all the simple pleasures of nyc.



Since we here at TPM love lists here are the top 10 moments from my trip:

1. Stingray City - I actually got to hug a 5 foot stingray (it felt like a giant portabello mushroom).

2. Papagallos - prosecco, lobster and a warm apple tart - enough said.

3. The Calypso band at Reef Grill - my Mom and I joined a conga line with the locals and got down.

4. Sending my Mom back to the hotel on a bus with 30 people from El Salvador who apparently threatened to take her to Central America with them.

5. Late Night Trance party - I befriended some of the kids from Central America and while drinking late night in their room a full on trance party ensued, complete with glowsticks. At one point I looked down and there was one floating in my drink. I was mesmerized for a good 40 minutes. I only snapped out of what felt like a k-hole when the phone rang and it turned out to be my Mom! Apparently I was out past curfew - embarrassing doesn't even begin to explain it.

6. San Diego Steve - A loveable 40-something who somehow knew everyone at the hotel and was never seen without a drink in his hand.

7. Finding a rum cake on my pillow every night before I went to sleep.

8. Cayman Sunsets.

9. Seeing Lizzie Grubman up close - terrifying.

10. Guitar Circle Sing-a-long - I may or may not have sang Stairway to Heaven and Hotel California with Roberto and Hernando. I would have sang Shakira with them but unfortunately my Spanish is a bit rusty.

I reckon it was ok

I saw "Brokeback Mountain" earlier today and I guess I enjoyed parts of it but was by no means blown away (pun intended). However, I realized something about Heath Ledger's acting and I do think I'm onto something here- when I saw his performance in "The Lords of Dogtown" I immediately called out that he was doing an impersonation of Val Kilmer in the Doors. My friend told me that the exact same comment was made in the New York Times a few days before. It was pretty obvious to anyone who saw that piece of shit movie. Anyway, after watching this movie I feel like Heath was trying to do an impersonation of Billy Bob Thornton's "Sling Blade" character. The voices were nearly identical. Is this what passes for acting these days? So, I guess I wouldn't tell you to run to see the movie but on the plus side you do get to see both Anne Hathaway's and Michelle William's boobs and that's gotta be worth something, right?

SCORE!!! (I'm obvs not talking about the Giants- ouch...too soon?)

Last night my fellow TPMer Rach and I witnessed a true Festivus miracle- - a band lived up to its hype- weeeeeeeeee!

Ever since Del told me about Tapes 'N Tapes back in November, I've been waiting in hot anticipation for Jan. 7th- knowing that my favorite Minneapolis band would be taking the stage just around the corner from my apt. There have been many bands that I've been sweet on that have failed to deliver in a live setting (cough...clap your hands..cough) and to me- that'll always leave a sour taste in my mouth.

So when Tapes 'n Tapes took the stage last night and broke into "Just Drums", I couldn't help but act like a giddy school girl who just made out for the first time (with tongue). They rock so hard and deliver their songs with amazing intensity. And they have this great Midwestern humbleness to them- when we talked to them after the show, they seemed shocked by the hype surrounding them, but completely appreciative. I can't love a band more that has no other motive than to play great music. I'm sorry, but I'm really sick of bands that feel the need to look a certain way or have a certain attitude in order to play music. Last time I checked, your stylish mullet isn't the one playing the guitar. Puhleeeasee.

Anyway- they played almost all of their songs, but we were assured that "Omaha" and "In Houston" will be jammed during their next three shows. If you are on the fence about seeing TNT this week- don't be an ass- go see them.

Pay attention to the drummer, he has the greatest drumming style/face since Benjy from The Helio Sequence. Oh and when was the last time you saw a baritone tuba in a rock band- holler!

Tapes 'n Tapes- Cowbell
Tapes 'n Tapes- Insistor
Tapes 'n Tapes- Omaha

NYC shows not to be missed:
1/8- Piano's
1/9- Mercury Lounge
1/12- Rothko

Links 'Cause I've Got Nuthin to Say

Sigh, another fine day with no ideas to write about. Gosh blogging is hard. I mean I can't be genius all the time! So I thought it would be nice to share some randoms with you today. If you don't like it- well then you have some major problemos.

1. Rach said del put this on one of his very cute mixes to her. Now if you know del, you know he knows everything that is good about music. so naturally you should trust us/him on this one. she also says it instantly makes her in a good mood and I concur.
Gnarls Barkley- Crazy (ganked that from Gorilla vs. Bear/ Hype Machine)

2. I think everyone should check out my friend Thomas's band The Can't See. Why? Because I have good taste in music, that's why. They sound like Pavement meets Pink Flyod and are damn good.

3. Awhile back Jeff sent me a link to these crazy animals and it's been love at first sight ever since. Can you guess what they are?

4. and today I got a couple emails with all this info- so I'm posting it. Poop.

Interesting Facts:
1. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
2. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
3. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
4. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
5. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
6. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
7. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
8. Horses can't vomit.
9. Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
10. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
11. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
12. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
13. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
14. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
15. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
16. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
17. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
18. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
19. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

#11 worries me since I have a rat named Little Jimmy living in the trash can at the bottom of my apt building's stairs...

Oh and Wolf Parade killed it last night. Just one request- more Spencer please. ...I got a fever, and the only prescription is Spencer Krug.

Craig, You Bastard.

Rach and I sat through a whole Late Show with Craig Ferguson last night in hot anticipation for Wolf Parade's performance... and what did we get you ask? A whole lot of monologue I couldn't understand, a pleasant chat with that dude who was the boss on Anchorman, and then some boring lady who I turned off to watch Conan. Why did she deserve two segments? Rach kept saying- they have like one minute to perform, it better be the quickest song in the world-but i kept the hope alive- and then...

BOOM

They were bumped til tonight.

And yet despite my frustration and lack of sleep from yesterday, I will stay up and watch because I'm coo coo for wolf parade puffs. And so will Rach, because she's my girl. Are you my girl Craig? If you aren't, sleep with one eye open my friend, 'cause I'll switch back to Conan...oh yes I will.

And by the way- the new AIM bot Shopping Buddy apparantly has a problem with Jay and me.

wiscod: dildo harness
ShoppingBuddy: Hey -- clean up the language and get serious. I'm happy to help but can't deal with that mouth.
wiscod: penis enhancer
ShoppingBuddy: Clean it up a little -- this is a family bot.
wiscod: big floppy donkey dildo
ShoppingBuddy: Good grief, I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.

Zang!

You guys are all the bomb frosting on a sweet ass New Year

I made my flight back to Dallas yesterday (barely) and as it turns out January 2nd is not a great day to travel. It seemed as if I was destined for some sort of punishment as I took my seat in Row 29 between two grossly overweight women who had no business being in coach. One of them was knitting and I kept thinking that she was going to poke me in the eye with the sewing needle and other woman was so large that the seat rest wouldn't go all the way down because her huge leg was in the way. The holidays, aren't they great? Well, yes, actually they are. That was what what my post was all about. It was all about what an amazing time I had visting my dear friends in NYC. I just wanted to give a quick shout out to the people who cooked for me and let me stay at their places and took me on the road with them and showed me an all around amazing time. You know who you are so thank you very much. Here are a few pics from this last week. Happy New Year everyone.



It's hard to read, but it says "Totes...we've got you covered"





Also, I know its a little bit unfair to keep squeezing out 'best of lists' but somehow 2 songs fell under the radar or simply came out too late but mostly definitely would have crept into my favorite for Zap 5. They are both amazing: "Lazy Sunday" which is often lazily referred to as "The Chronicles of Narnia Rap" by SNL's Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg and "One Way Ticket To Hell...And Back" by the Darkness (hello pan flute where the hell have you been?). The brilliance of both of these songs cannot be underestimated and they both nearly made me piss myself. No, wait they did.

Dance Party USA

Happy first day of work for 2006. WEEEEEEEE!

Anywho- check out my preview for Tapes n' Tapes upcoming shows on Loose Record. Sweet, I've been published. Actually I've been published once before. Check out the killer photo I took.

And don't forget to watch Wolf Parade on Craig Ferguson tonight. Sorry Will & Grace, I promise to switch back.

Anywho here's a fun dance sequence for you. Words can't explain so I'll let you fill in the blanks like mad libs.




Perry (verb) Mere.

Merida and Noah (verb) it down.
Dana (anything you want to write- I'm at a loss...)

2005 Went Out With A... Ploop?

With only an hour left to go, the year 2005 decided to screw me over one last time with a single ploop. Maybe it was fate telling me to delete some of you from my life for good or maybe I was just too damn drunk, but whatever the reason- my cell phone dropped into the toilet last night- thus beginning 2006 with my being cut off from the world.

So if I had your number before, well, now I don't anymore- and when I finally scrape myself off the couch today and buy a new phone- I want to make sure to have it in there again (unless you are a person I was referring to before when I said I needed to delete you anyways). Email me with your numbers please!

And if I didn't have your number before and you want to have the privilege of hearing my heavy Wisconsin ahhhyccent- send it over as well- maybs we'll chat.

Happy New Years!

!!! UPDATE- my phone turned on- it's still completely busted, but I have all your numbers- take that 2005 !!!