Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Brewtown USA

So since Thursday afternoon, I've been chilling in my hometown of Milwaukee, WI for Jamal Tang and HerbyD's wedding. I had a blast- no need to divulge all the details, but I must say it was the best wedding on Earth!!!!!!!!
Anywho, on my flight home yesterday, I started to compile a list of the Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Milwaukee (from this weekend). And here they are:

10. My dogs. They are so frickin old!!!!!! choppy is 17 and yogi is 14. Both wear diapers, but they are still the cutest...even when yogi is dining on his own poo.
9. My family. Only saw them for a few, but it's always a pleasure. Especially that pops o'mine. He's the gentle giant.

8. My girlfriends. As I introduced them at Jamal's wedding, they are my harem of bitches.
7. My guyfriends. Nothing beats seeing one of them getting handcuffed to a stripper pole and getting ridden like a Harley. Nothing beats that except for the bleach I poured into my eyes after witnessing it. See #6.
6. Art's Performing Center. Milwaukee's finest strip club (see #7) is like your drug-addled step-brother who you only see on special occasions... like a bachelor party. Named by Maxim Magazine as Milwaukee's Worst, "No, it’s not a queer modern-dance theater—it’s a dismal topless strip club. One patron summed it up best: 'The girls here look like they’ve been hit in the face by a bag of nickels.'"
5. The food. Yes, most of the weekend was spent eating wedding food, but on Sunday night we went to eat THE BEST PIZZA IN THE WHOLE WORLD. No really, I've eaten pizza everywhere except maybe in Russia, and nothing beats De Marinis! Be warned: do not go to Mama De Marinis down the street... or else you shall feel the wrath of my grandpa.
4. Polish Fest. Held on the waterfront, I had set my sights on attending this event at some point in the weekend. Until yesterday I had thought I was a quarter Polish, and then my dad decided to reveal in the car that I'm German instead. Finally, there's an explanation for my love of beer and brats. German Fest (and Italian) here I come!
3. The lakefront. Seriously, Lake Michigan is a gem. It has all the benefits of growing up on the coasts, but without that stinging salt water. Of course, there is that pesky algae bloom problem that makes my city smell like one giant dookie...
2. The beer. Milwaukee has the best beer period. Lakefront, Sprecher, Leinies... take yer pick, but don't choose the Beast or you might as well be...this guy.
1. This time around, with all the East Coasters visiting for the wedding, I got to make fun of their accent. Welcome to my turf bitches! Ya-hey der!